I hauled myself in for the last (knock on wood) drip from He** yesterday and here we go again...
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| Robin's high school graduation day, June 20 |
once more, with gusto!
I arrived bearing brownies for the nursing staff and it was a sort of surreal celebratory session. I left feeling really, really good! I KNOW the next three weeks will not be any better than the previous three rounds, but for some reason, it doesn't matter. It's DONE! I am done with that!
Dr. Mintzer and I talked lots of numbers: percentages, risk/benefit ratios, monitoring stats over the course of 10 years, etc... fun stuff (really!) but the bottom line was "you can expect to be cured and that there will be no late-effects (long-term side effects)..." This is the way I will proceed, "I am cured." There was a story this morning on NPR discussing late effects and how cancer survivors are having to live with some pretty ugly stuff. Back in the day, survival was not as frequent, and thus the overarching goal... late effects be damned. The drugs were more dangerous to pulmonary, heart and other vital organ function and triggered other cancers. We've come a long way, thankfully. I am very lucky.
I have to say, the last three weeks looks, on paper, like it went relatively well. Some bone pain early on, then joint, ligament and tendon ("connective tissue") pain, lower back pain and insomnia for the duration. Nothing that would put me in the hospital, or even make me physically ill (usually) but just stuff that slowly beats a person down, turns them into a whiner, and makes them fat & sluggish and completely free of any patience. (Yes, fat. Don't argue with me! On the plus side -- no pun intended -- I'll have no problem finding the necessary belly fat to inject the Neulasta later this morning.) In a nutshell, I was a joy to be around. Lucky for you, you don't have to be around me all that much! My family, on the other hand, is ready to send me away. Good thing we're in the home stretch.
Jerome explained it to me for the hundredth time and I finally get why no two treatment after-effects are alike and why it took until the third round to effect the connective tissue. I don't know what exactly to expect over the next three weeks -- what's left to be attacked that escaped the first three rounds -- but I *do* know that after that I can start rebuilding the muscle & strength I've lost and I am really looking forward to that. Excited about it, in fact!! I am putting together a "starting from scratch -- or before -- training plan."
After chemotherapy, I kicked off my first day of Round Four with a short run with Eben in the heat & humidity. Was terrible for Eben, poor guy, who is unused to that sort of punishment, but I had a great run and am NOT sore today (except my lower back, but whatever). For the first time in 2+ weeks I am not walking around like an old woman. After that, we had a five-star grilling fiesta at our neighbor's house to kick off Summer! I feel like I have a LOT to celebrate so I didn't hold back. Summer! Bring it ON!
Up next for me are a series of appointments related to genetic testing for any hereditary factors in this (which could lead to more crap I don't want to think about right now) and upcoming radiation therapy. I'll be in touch, though maybe not as frequently via mass-email. "Thanks so much!" is an unbelievably inadequate thing to say. You have been such a source of strength for me. You can't possibly know the difference you have made. The cards, flowers, food, text messages, email messages, invitation to fun, detracting events -- all of it -- that STILL comes out of the blue has kept me comforted and replenished and (reasonably) sane. Everyone tells me how positive I have been. You just have to look in the mirror to see why. Quite fittingly, I've heard Bill Withers' Lean on Me on WXPN a few times recently. You'll never have to question where I'll be when you need it.
Lean on me
When you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm going to need
Somebody to lean on ...
... If there's a load
You have to bear
That you can't carry
I'm right up the road
I'll share you load
If you just call me
Much love,
Diane
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